they/them/theirs

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  • 20 Comments
Joined 9M ago
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Cake day: Jun 09, 2023

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I had been having a tough time this past month with work and some interpersonal feels. Yesterday was my birthday so I took LSD and went on a hike with my best friend. It was good to feel some of the results I’ve been getting from taking boxing class, as I was able to keep pace with my buddy for the 6 km walk. Saw some nice rocks and fungi. I went into the experience thinking about what I wanted to change in my life. Ultimately I was like, yeah I actually already had everything I need: amazing friends and plenty of opportunities for creativity And self improvement. Just gotta work on separating from the stress and enjoying the little moments :)

Oh and then my buddy’s gf made me panang curry and my wife made me key lime pie! And we watched Jennifer’s Body, a quirky horror movie from 2009


Thanks for saying so; it’s easy to believe this is just how it’s going to be in any programming job and hearing how unreasonable this is from folks on the outside but in the field is encouraging.


Thank you for your insight and words of support 😭. You’re right, I need to make getting out a bigger priority.


Work stress rant: I cant fake it and I’m terrified I wont make it.
I have been working for a consulting firm since early last year. I'm a programmer and this is basically my first "adult" programming job I've had since graduating and briefly working part time as a coding tutor. When I started at the firm I expected that I would be on one or more consulting teams and I would be learning/working with new and emerging technologies. Instead I was placed on a development team at a corporate banking client, working remotely with other employees of the bank. The bank has a big problem with turnover so having been there for a year I'm seen as one of the more senior members on my team and have been given more challenging projects to work on more or less independently. I'm responsible for the analysis, the coding and most of the testing. I was assigned a new feature in early October. I was given a brief description of what the whole feature would do, but it wasn't immediately clear which parts I'd be responsible for. It was a while before I was able to speak with folks about the requirements for my side so I realized I ended up doing work I didn't need to. Now I understand the requirements but I spend more time researching than actually writing code. I meet with my project manager remotely every day for standup and he's always asking me for percentages of work done or some metrics for completeness and I don't really know what to tell him so I just throw stuff out there. ("Oh probably another few weeks or so.") I think for a while there I was just saying I knew what I was doing 1) because I was trying to "fake it until I make it" and hope that I make some breakthrough and figure it all out, 2) because in order to ask folks questions I'd have to understand the problem well enough to have some context for what to ask, 3) because the only two people, senior devs at the bank, who could help me have ten other things assigned to them each (not an exaggeration) and they can both be really flippant and unhelpful when I have reached out to them in the past. I have so much pressure at the firm to put in a good face for the firm with the client. I have tried within the past year multiple times to get transferred to another role but I just get met with pep talks about how I'm "doing better than I think" and how "they really need me there". When I express frustration with the bank's management structure and levels of communication my handlers are like "yeah...some clients are tough!" So it seems like I'm stuck. Unfortunately I cannot afford to simply quit. But I feel like I'm getting close to just blurting out that I don't think I can do this at all the next time my project manager at the bank asks me how far along I am, despite supposedly having put work hours towards it. I have so much stress and lingering dread that I will be fired, that it will ruin my career, and that I can't do anything to change my situation. It's hard to manufacture enthusiasm for finding other jobs because at the end of the day, even though I'm not getting as much done as I need to, I feel burnt out with stress and don't want to do anything resembling work. Frequently when off the clock I'll randomly think about work while doing other stuff and I'll break down and start crying. It's bad. Every part of me just wants to be gone from this but I can't leave and I also can't make things better. The cracks are beginning to show and I feel like it's not possible to get the support I need. Should I continue to push through the feeling that failure is inevitable and *try* to succeed? Or should I go mask off and hasten the end?


I already have the second degree.

I don’t doubt many people have transitioned into the industry without one (judging from my time helping to teach a free coding bootcamp) but many jobs, including the one I have and the ones I’ve been applying for, do require a “Bachelor’s Degree in Computer Science or similar field”


I’m under some financial and work stress but also enjoying life where I can. Looking forward to a nature hike and seeing Atmosphere live this weekend.


Rant: Worried I’ll never get out of debt
My spouse and I have been doing some restructuring of our finances now that they have a new job as of a month ago. We've been doing an equitable split of our finances based on income which involved us taking inventory of everything we're paying every month. This led to me really taking a closer look at all of my debt and that has me really bummed out. My best friends just bought a house and I'm in the hole for 84k US worth of student loans, credit cards, medical debt and a refinance loan I took for my previous credit card debt while I was getting my second degree. A big motivator for going back for a second Bachelor's in Computer Science was knowing I could make more money and be able to pay off my debt sooner. However currently I'm getting paid a little less per year than I owe back. Also, my work life is having a negative impact on my mental health so I'm also looking for other jobs when I can. It feels like I'm doing all I can but it's barely enough to make a dent in my debt each month. If I fall apart and lose my edge I'll get fired and then I'll end up accruing more debt. I'm also worried about being discriminated against by future employers as a trans person (being misgendered daily at my current job is a reality). But my stamina bar is super low and it's hard to take further action when I feel so powerless.

Well I only played Pikmin 2 before this and it was when I was a teen. At the time I didn’t finish it because I got intimidated by the mid to late game difficulty.

The way Pikmin 4 introduced elements over time it felt like a new start. The first credit roll wasn’t too hard to reach and now I feel like I might end up committing myself to 100%ing the game.

Also Oatchi. Oatchi is everything. I think it will be hard to go back to playing without the dog because it is so convenient. You can carry your Piks over obstacles, he can be an initiator tank in a fight, and you can divide and conquer by sending him to another location to guard or dig up treasure while you and your Piks do the work elsewhere. Plus he comes back to you on his own. He’s a good boy.


This hurt to read :( so sorry to hear! I don’t want to tell you what to do, but I’m glad to hear you’re making enough money that you can save it. Hopefully that can give you some freedom if you need to distance yourself from this job or this company in the future. Fuck, I wish people weren’t so awful to service workers


Work sucks but Pikmin 4 rules so it ain’t all bad.



You look STUNNING and I love that necklace


Hell yeah looks like fun!

“Where’d we put the pride flag? Oh someone’s raising it over the intermediate wall right now”


omg the crown! I love it




I stayed at an Airbnb for a friend’s bday last night and had a great time singing along to Road to El Dorado (and kept everyone up with my snoring). I’m back home, cleaning myself and the apartment and will shortly be taking a Tears of the Kingdom break.


Hi! I’m a nonbinary (they/them/theirs) programmer and actor. I left Reddit recently and am having a nice time on Beehaw being gay and having good conversations with people. This community has been a great way for me to get started in the fediverse. Thanks for having me!

I enjoy cooking, fighting games, live music, Vampire: The Masquerade and my cat Izzy.


queer selfie thread
It's Pride and you're beautiful. Post em if you got em. ![](https://beehaw.org/pictrs/image/958f50d2-213b-4868-a3e6-a6247de82030.jpeg) that's me on the right

Yeah. Even with all the bullshit trans and queer people face I am much happier being myself. Wouldn’t trade it for anything. It helps that I live in a queer positive city in a US state without pushes for anti trans legislation, certainly. But whenever I feel depressed about fascists making life harder for people like me I can always reach out to my partner and my found family for support.


Nice. This and 196 were the friendliest shit post communities I had encountered on Reddit and it’s tough saying goodbye. But I’m glad they’re not gonna put up with the platform’s shitty changes.

Btw maybe Beehaw needs a little gay shitpost community jfc~